i don't mean to complain-but-i-do.

i feel badly about it, but it seems the only thing that will relieve some small portion of this heaviness.

today has been long and tiresome (like yesterday, come to think of it). my head and neck seem to be taking the brunt of it even though they don't deserve it. i think my body is trying to get my attention and convince me to slow down, only there is nothing i can do about my speed. to slow down would equal irresponsibility, getting fired, or failing a class. how do you tell your body to "deal"?

i am anxious for november to end. i am anxious because my list is ever growing and i am feeling like butter stretched over too much bread. i've temporarily forgotten what gumption is.

if only i could talk to Someone, but i tried and he is distracted. tonight, there is no initiative on his side. he has work to do and he should be doing it. as for me, i'm too tired to push further, to catch his interest. and i know he's not trying to be distant and i'm not helping by letting him know. i'm too tired.

it's just an empty day.