A recent milestone birthday brought on an unexpected wave of reflection, introspection and an onslaught of thought bubbles with long, winding trains. Words and ink and blank pages are good for this type of thing. I need to stop reconfiguring and let thoughts be as they are as they are as they are.
The milestone is an interesting concept. What makes it more pronounced
than the other years, anyway? Perhaps it's like a emboldened chapter
title in a fancy little font so that you remember where you are in relation to the grand scheme of pages before and after.
A pause might be appropriate for relocating parts of moments and conversations, to piece them together to see them more clearly so that they don't go missing before I've learned what I need to learn from them.
Ten years is a long time to remember, friends, let alone a lifetime. So, I'll only try to remember the last ten years for now. I don't want a life of blurred memories if I can help it. So, I'll try to hold on to even the dark ones because they mean something, too. Maybe even more sometimes.
In the last ten years, I have learned...
...how to be okay
...that people have different definitions of the role of "friend," and maybe that's part of the beauty of finding what you'd call a "true" one
...that wearing polka dots has a high probability of elevating your overall countenance
...how to kiss
...that small successes are oftentimes more important than the ones everyone else tells you are most important
...where to go for the best chai tea latte in the whole wide world
...that a beloved childhood long-lost cousin was alive and well all these years, and that he is a kindred spirit for writing the most wonderful letters
...that I'm not stupid
...that going from no bangs to with bangs can change your life, and I should never ever ever-ever-ever go back
...that I can identify myself as an artist, and it can be true
...that making new friends who haven't known me since forever can be liberating because they won't naturally pigeon-hole you the same way
...that I can love far more deeply than I can hate, and it feels like a relief to know
...how much intentional thoughtfulness it takes to create a wedding day that is about community instead of individuals, and how many traditional rules need to be broken for authenticity's sake
...that I overuse the words "true," "quite," "lovely," and "wonder," and probably have too many commas in most of my sentence-strings
...how many of the beliefs I held growing up have been altered to something hopefully more loving, less judgmental, and therefore, more accurate if I really get the whole point of it at all
and,
...that every day is actually worth paying attention to (especially when it's cold out)
iphone | francine narnia - Île Saint-Louis
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