Friday, October 12, 2007

i am a girl of outline

i am counting down the days.

they ask me if i'm scared and i am not. it has been long awaited. undeniably, i feel ready to welcome something "other-than-this" and "new".

stability is good to me and college life is anything but stable. i am not disillusioned enough to believe that after college, all zig zags become even and straight lines, yet a schedule will be far less of motion and far more of routine. routine is pleasant to me. i know what to expect. i plan accordingly. although nothing in a day is ever certain, there is a frame - an outline, surrounding it all. i am longing for that frame. i am a girl of outline.

i suppose you may ask, "and what of adventure?" i expect that my idea of adventure is different than yours. for me, it is found in "elsewhere"s. in the ever-changing scene in a series of photographs, in dancing on the roof beneath the moonlit sky, in following the train tracks at dusk, in waking from a dream and imagining the rest, in reading under the covers with a flashlight, in seeing each puzzle piece put in its rightful place, in driving for six and a half hours to see Someone, in painting a blank canvas without any idea of what it will become, of traveling to other places and finding others colors-sounds-tastes. of these things, are my adventures.

repelling up or down they say
is that which keeps the thoughts at bay
but motion, ever edging, comes
upsetting listless steady drums
release, oh please, the restless deep
propel the ever pending sleep
venture in life's dawning day
refrain from letting dire sway
leap high and hear the carefree hums
take note of everyone's come-froms
set free, oh see!, those kept in keep
retrieve the wayward, forlorn sheep

i am counting down the days.