Friday, September 7, 2007

"walk with a limp," he said.

i was sitting on a high black chair from the sidelines until the morning was fully awake and people were going about things. anticipating a simple, non-eventful morning and receiving a true breath in its stead. the notes that tried to hold my gaze were left alone in their three ring binder upon her arrival. the conversation that ensued could not have been imagined. how grateful for a conversation sparking so much more than mere thought... but inspiration... conviction... joy... And as a breath of air so fresh and clear and real, it has lasted all day long. and i am thankful for this abi girl. i am thankful for the conversation's turns, ebbs and flows, and unexpected twists. And throughout: challenges and repentance and inspiration and new dawns.

"that we may humble ourselves and walk with a limp." i wrote it on my hand and dwelt on possible word pictures. no.1) to receive attention, sympathy, and special treatment. no.2) to be embarrassed and pitied. no.3) to be constantly reminded of brokenness and imperfection. perhaps, no.3 says what he intended in his poetic prayer betwixt song and silence. i have tried to understand what it means to meditate on something and to absorb it and make some kind of change so that it was not in vain that the wisdom was given.

where is my land? my school. my church. my home. how do i care for this land? do i care for this land? my attitude of cynicism and judgment do not reveal care. instead, the walking of days with grey-tinted shades to avoid inconvenience and interactions with Annoyances and Wastes-of-Times. i watch them walk by and i judge for things i deem inappropriate or worldly or annoying or stupid. and suddenly, i reverse the picture and wonder if they walk by, see me, and say, "there's a snob." the shame i felt upon realizing my own hypocrisy ... was strong. how long will it last? i am no better and the cynicism must die and the judgments must end and i must begin to see my land as a gift for which care is required. i am given responsibility and yet sit in my habits and foul attitudes until i even forget to notice they accompany me from to and fro.

walking with a limp is the alternative.


Jason Pestell said...

I also was reminded of these things in what I was told today: speaking the truth in love, allowing the truth to permeate my being yet speaking and living it out in love. Do I live by example if my example lacks love, care, respect, empathy & a desire to lift people up out of their struggles (weights & sins) rather than one that simply self-isolates? It is an important struggle which may see no temporal end until the end of time, and in me until the end of mortal life: truth balanced perfectly with love.