Wednesday, June 13, 2007

the sixteenth of june

there are only four days left. including today. and yet it has not settled in to make its depth of feeling reside in me. i have had but tastes. and yet, i know it will catch in my chest to wake up and know that he will not be waiting to share lunch, to smooth my hair, to tickle me, to pull me close to him.

and the sweet melody of roses pt.2 is reminding me of what this love has been and is and perhaps- will be. unlike any other, really. i realize they all say that. thousands of years worth of individuals have thought and spoken such words in letters, poems, songs, recollections... and on and on. i used to roll my eyes and think them melodramatic... and then i find that i can no longer do so, for i actually understand. and i also understand that seemingly simple phrase: "love hurts".

and as mine leaves to pursue his dream, her love comes. and i am happy for her. and yet, i know it will twinge my heart to see them together, while mine has gone far away for long times.

now under the moon is playing and (a small smile). for how very appropriate and whimsical is this floating poetry in notes beneath such a title. and i think i will save it, close to my heart, for the day when i will return to my home, unaccompanied by my love. and i will play it and perhaps tears will brim and fall and it will be a beautifully aching moment in which i will be reminded of all he is and all he does for me and how he cares so deeply for and honors me. and no doubt, i will lay on my back on the floor and spread my arms out to the sides and breathe. and the fan above me will calm my heart as it trembles and it will all be real and hard-to-imagine actually happening- for whoever thought this all would have ever happened to me in the first place?

and i will smile, sincerely, for i will see how blessed i have been and continue to be with the gift of jason.