Friday, March 23, 2012

Today, is hard.  And everything in it.  Waking up, getting dressed, varied sorts of pains, a long day and night and weekend ahead, and hardest of all- finding out that I hurt someone I love and being afraid wondering if trust can be rebuilt and things return, but knowing I don't deserve for them to do so.  And feeling so sad knowing I caused something even more sad in a dear one.  And my eyes keep getting moist.  Forgiveness feels a deep and lovely gift, but makes me toss and turn somewhere in the pit of my stomach because it is not fair and I find it so hard to accept it.

All my world seems fragile.  Sadness, inconvenience, pain, all around in the lives of family, friends, households.  And here is me, edge-teetering with something of a wind blowing me around and making my dress catch on things I haven't the energy to exert in order to dislodge myself.  I know it isn't forever, but it is right now and I am tired all the way all the way to exhaustion.  There will be no others stepping in- they won't or can't- and there may even be some who need to take their departure and I feel anxious and yet too tired to plan ahead.

My workload seems to increase everyday, which is even worse since nights are shorter and days are longer.  Rest and peace are unreachable, let alone obtainable. 

And eyes flutter closed at inopportune times of day.

polaroid with 600 film:  in the edge | © kimberly k taylor, all rights reserved