Tuesday, April 21, 2009

a state of Blah

"The good, the bad, and the ugly." Yesterday: filled with an endless stream of uglies. I considered using my blog as a rant session to the endless, open internet world, but decided against that feel-sorry-for-me rampage. Don't commend me for refuting my initial tendency to whine and gripe and take advantage of the sympathies of whatever readers I have. In all honesty, it was nearly the other way around. Just be thankful I'm past it this time.

I'm realizing how much I need to learn. How little I know. How much time I waste. Now- these are not new discoveries (I'm not that slow). I've just dropped into one of those recurring experiential moments of re-recognizing such things and feeling too tired to address them.

Passivity, complacency, dormancy. In other words, a state of Blah. And a rather steady state, in my case.

But such a state contradicts and, in no way, coincides with a passionate life. And what of a Christ-centered life? Isn't Christ-centered in the same wrapping as passion-instilled?

I am so disporportionate, sideways, unbalanced, and entirely crooked when it comes to this. I feel rather guilty of being in a state of Blah, but can't seem to dismiss my fatigue and seemingly need for rest and nothingness. I long for passion and purpose and sensation, but crave the dismissal of busyness, obligation, and daily chaos. My eye is on the mundane amidst the daily grinding To Dos and upkeep of professionalism in the workplace, timely paying of bills, commuting in bump-bump-bump traffic, and all the other things that wear and tear and wear again.

"They" always say you must find the balance between the two. Well good. Now, if you would be so kind, tell me how to do that.


Matt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matt said...

Sounds like we need to have a little chit chat. :)