Hello Monday.

Zucchini bread and a chai tea latte ... this is morning... and if I weren't so tired, it'd be incredibly pleasant.

I have been having restless, wild, and ridiculous dreams the past few days. And then I awake and they suddenly fade from memory in a retreating stampede of wild ponies. I'd like some regular, sweet dreams in my near future. I'm tired of the sorts that make your sleep feel a defeated purpose and your rest a just-out-of-reach mirage.

Yesterday, I was driving home with a taco salad in the front seat, and I suddenly remembered I had missed my friend's birthday party two nights before. And I feel terrible. I got off of work at 8:00 pm, got in my car, drove home, and forgot all about the party. And I didn't recall the appointment (written with an exclamation point) in my dayplanner until yesterday driving home with a taco salad in the front seat when I thought, "Hey, today is the 20th - Jeremy's actual birthday." I have been thus deemed, a "bad friend" and I really do feel terrible about it. Jeremy doesn't really get mad at his friends, but he likes to give them grief in his evil-and-amusing way.

I have worked (a lot) on my new room, but it still isn't complete. I finally mendeded the back of a painting I purchased by artist, Alyssa Sappington, and it now hangs beautifully above my loveseat. One of the wooden bars on the back, detached, preventing it from being hung. But now it is fixed and doing that lovely thing it does. I love walking into my room and seeing the piece. It is entitled Flowers Grow Beneath the Earth and is quite lovely and worth every penny I paid for it. You'll see it in my "after" pictures once my room is finished.

Last night, at Exodus, we began a new forum series. For the next several weeks, we'll be discussing what non-Christians think of Christianity. And John Selback said, "There are far too many Christians who are sure of everything. And we club people to death with our Bibles." This reminds me of what the brilliant film, Saved, portrayed and the stark truth there. It makes me sad. And John also said, "So many people with the same diploma that you and I have, are going to ruin the reputation of our school," and that is true. But something about that statement made me uncomfortable because I think shouldn't I be more concerned with understanding how I am tarnishing my faith and Him rather than comforting myself in the idea that others are doing such horrible things, much more horrible than me? I'm afraid there is plenty of hypocrisy that should be acknowledged in myself without comforing myself in knowing I'm not as bad as others. Though I might not be as extreme as homosexuality haters or hell-and-brimstone proclaimers, I have must admit that I have the exact same potential to be just as hypocritical. I think that is important.

So. I'm going to do some research. David Kinnaman has researched this topic and his work is published in unChristian. Dan Kimball discusses how They Like Jesus but Not the Church and Jim Henderson shares his experiences through writings of various church-going excursions with a non-Christian comrad in Jim & Casper Go to Church. Hopefully, these next few weeks will shed some light into my own eye and help me figure out how to remove the log(s) there.