Friday, April 25, 2008

Love Woes

With 12 minutes to go left of the workday, I logged on to say a little something more.

I've been thinking a lot about long distance relationships this week. Mainly, because I'm missing my Love a lot and taking in a lot via contemplation and conversations with him.

I worry. It's in my very nature. I worry because we have a whole year yet. A whole year and a month before we will be living in the same area again.

People keep asking me why I'm not moving up there now. There's a lot of explaining necessary in answering that question and quite frankly, I'm not up to it tonight. However, I wanted to say this:

It's scary to know that the more you are apart, the more you get used to being so, and the more you begin to forget what you're missing.

While this last almost-year has allowed for many trips north to visit him and two trips down south for him to visit me, next year does not look as promising. I've just found a job I really enjoy and come July, will be working here full-time (Apphia likes me, I guess). Since I work until 8:00 pm on Mondays and Fridays, the notion of weekend trips are pretty much out. And I find myself incredibly discouraged and lonely knowing just how long it will be between visits.

End-of-day telephone conversations are not ideal. We have the least amount of energy by that time. It's sad to get the left-overs of each other and try to make it on that.

For now, I'm looking forward to (and most anxiously) Jason's visit at the end of May. We'll go camping with my old church, spend a week together, celebrate being together for a year and a half by going to Disneyland for the first time together, and participate in Jon and Victorya's wedding.

Being long distance means everytime you are reunited, you have to get used to it all again. I always worry that I'll have forgotten how to kiss. And I'm shy at the beginning. And then, it's bliss and wonder because you get to be with him and express your love by holding hands and snuggling and holding each other and going on dates. And then, right when you're getting used to the beauty of being in love and being able to enjoy it - it's time to say goodbye for who-knows-how-many months.

Despite how hard it is... I can't imagine not waiting for a Love such as him.


Jason Pestell said...

Je t'aime, ma chère demoiselle! T'es belle et mon coeur bat à cause de mon amour pour toi! J'attends avec impatience cette semaine-là où je pourrai te voir and t'embrasser.

-- ... and my heart beats because of my love for you! I wait with impatience for that week when I will be able to see you and kiss/embrace you.