i don't feel alright

one of the worst feelings must be this.

it is deep and penetrating and seems to seep down and resonate somehow in places i did not know could hurt. and i know i ought to talk about it, but it makes me afraid (the very idea of talking about it). to hear that person say any of those words in the same sentence, no matter what their intent. for what was written stings sharply and sends a shiver up my spine and triggers something in my heart to even think about having to talk about it, aloud. having to see their face.

to find out by reading letters on a screen and pricking hyperboles, so they say; alone in a cold office. and all of a sudden, a burning sensation deep in my chest that caused my eyes to brim with unwelcome wetness.

trust is built upon honesty. i don't understand. i don't understand. why does it hurt? so much.