Wednesday, October 19, 2011

new words

Maybe you know- those days when you wake up and try to come up with just about any excuse to shut off that darn alarm clock and stay curled beneath warm covers, listening to the fan dull away any other sounds that do not belong in the world of slow-dreamy waking up- the way we were meant to awaken.  To me, it feels quite literally like some gratingly sharp pain is scraping me up and down just to leave my bed and make my way to the bathroom where running a hot shower is the only (even remotely) possible compensation.

This morning was like that.  And the morning before that and the one before.  Three days in a row like that.  But, it's all my own fault.  It is my consequence for taking a novel with me to bed, knowing full well that I have a recurring inability to stop turning pages even when there are clear breaks and chapter endings.  But, then there's the I will never get a chance to read all the good novels in the world before I die, so this is my chance!

While I choose reading over sleep, Jason is devoid of sleep for different reasons.  He continues to be perpetually swamped at work in the grilling game of catch-up, waking at 5:00 AM and plodding into his apartment anywhere between 8:00 and 9:00 PM.  Seeing him less and less, and when I do see him, looking into fatigued eyes and embracing shoulders weighed down with so much, makes me sad- he looks so helpless when he is sad.  But, we have managed to go on a few dates or fall asleep for an hour-long nap and those prove to be pockets of happiness in the midst of stretched days.  

Happiness, too, is that we received word that Jason's aunt and uncle have generously announced that we may have our wedding at their intimate mountainside wooden cottage.  Covered in creeping ivy, the little home they hand built together as newly weds, has a deck that wraps around the cottage and overlooks Leslie's garden (the kind you expect to find in movies like Finding Neverland, Miss Potter, and Becoming Jane)- natural and almost wild, yet peaceful in its simplicity and sweetened beauty.  Tall oaks and some type of pine and maybe redwoods cover the hillside.  And it is, quite literally, the most ideal location that has ever entered my mind and I am so thankful and still amazed. 

And with things like that, I can truly feel that our turn is finally coming.  And that is... well, I can't find words- an entirely new emotion.

{fuji instax mini: remembering to remember us}
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Jason Pestell said...

I am glad to read each of the words in this entry, though I am saddened by my tiredness and busy-ness that prevents me from more time with you and more energy when I have that.